The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
