Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
