I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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