As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
