I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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