"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
