your room smells of hookers.
And success
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
