Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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