All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
