i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Are my feet made of real feet?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
