i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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