look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize