i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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