this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
