Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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