That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
