Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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