420 ftw
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize