What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
