3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Screwed.edu
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
