i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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