She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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