dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
