Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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