What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
