hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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