there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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