Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think my vagina is haunted
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
