Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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