So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
