Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
