i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
