I think I won the penis lottery.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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