They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize