The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
