you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My liver just broke up with me...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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