I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize