It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
