Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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