Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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