five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
and she was petting her beer can
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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