small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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