4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
