So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
