I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
