i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
