I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Life is so much better after having sex.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
