Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
as a side note pls kill me
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