Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize