Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize