HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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