i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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