Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
