dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
