every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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