Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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