turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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