the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
my liver is dry heaving
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
