The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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