Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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