Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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