I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
