I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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