guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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