I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
